Life moved on, as it does, although I was essentially stuck – either treading water or sinking on any given day. Henry was now leading a small congregation with Restoration roots in a community about 30 minutes away. It was a full-time position, at last, and we didn’t have to uproot the family for his work to begin. I was thankful for both salary and stability. But these were dark days for me. My heart had shut down; I was merely going through the motions, aware that I was miserable, but not in touch with why. I blamed my dark moods on the weather (rainy and dismal), my health (crummy and dismal), and my hopes for a brighter future (nil). Like many depressives, I was in denial about being in full-blown depression. It was easier to blame outside factors: the weather, my health, and our bleak future prospects. Life had pitched me into a cesspool, headfirst. Who wouldn’t be miserable?
And then, a break in the clouds. A church in Nashville invited us to visit and interview for ministry positions. Languishing in my cesspool, I lacked the energy to consider, let alone act upon, such an offer. But Henry was excited at the prospect, and convinced me to pack a suitcase and go.
Several factors made this opportunity extremely appealing. First of all, Henry had a great friendship with the lead minister, and the staff and members we met were welcoming and relatable. His new position would be leading the small-groups ministry, as well as regular preaching, both areas he excels in. In addition, the church was open to creating a part-time position for me, separate from regular ministry-leading duties, as I was far from ready to re-enter the ministry. It would be a fresh start, after several discouraging years in Vancouver. Perhaps most appealing of all, there were about fifty members in the church who were former ICOC members. Meeting this group was like falling upon fresh water in the desert: here were people we instantly ‘knew’ and understood. They’d been through the HKL fallout and were intact – still faithful, still devoted, and looking for ways to heal and grow together. I felt more alive with this group than I had in years. Those of us with an ICOC background know exactly what I’m talking about; it’s that soul connection we share, wherever we meet, whether we’re still ‘in’ or not. With all this dancing before our eyes, it’s no surprise that our answer was yes.
We had six months of prep time, unheard of in our previous moves, and we dived into getting our house ready to sell. Most of the things I hated about the house were ripped out and replaced with something new. Tackling our six- page list of repairs and repaints, mostly DIY, energized me. (At least there were some things about my miserable life that could change! But I was sad I couldn’t stay and enjoy the updated house.) Having tangible goals gave me little bursts of hope. But in April, two months before our moving date, we attended a huge church-planters conference in Florida that rocked my world, though not in a good way. In fact, it blew my fragile little self to pieces.
We’d been flown to the conference by the Nashville church, as a way of getting to know some of the leaders, authors, and ministries in our future ministry network. Two incidents triggered major meltdowns for me, although small alarm bells rang throughout our visit. The first trigger tripped as soon as we walked into the massive venue and were shown the display booth where I was to sit throughout much of the conference, recruiting interested candidates for a ‘ministry immersion’ internship in Nashville, administrated by …..me! The booth had a stack of bios about my extensive missions/ministry background, alongside stacks of business cards with my name and new job title. I was expected to answer questions about a new program I knew nothing about. I didn’t even know if my ministry philosophy aligned with theirs – no one had consulted me. I think I kept my unflappable face on (a life skill I’m lucky to have), but inside I was flipping out. How had this happened? Apparently the lead evangelist had his own vision and had projected it onto me. He’d read my resume, which does look rather impressive on paper, and run with it – talk about runaway zeal!
After we sorted that out (the bios and cards were put away, and I wasn’t going to man the booth), we headed for various classes and workshops. They ranged from ‘different’ to ‘complicated theories about simple things’ to fantastic (Francis Chan preached.) It all felt surreal to me – like an ICOC seminar but not like an ICOC seminar. I was holding it together until the second night, when the second trigger undid me. The setting was a banquet-style dinner for church-planting couples in one particular network. It reminded me of so many similar dinners we’d been part of over the years, always with a room full of people I knew and loved. This time, I knew no one. Without warning, an ocean of pain filled me, and I fled the room, weeping. It wasn’t about being new to the group; I’m adept at socializing with strangers in practically any context. It was about grief: feeling the height and depth and breadth of all we’d lost and missed in the ICOC, as if for the first time – all of it. Sorrow and self-recrimination flooded my soul.
Picture this: I’m walking through an endless wasteland of Orlando resorts – swimming pools, playgrounds, families at play – weeping and weeping and weeping. I can’t stop. Hundreds of tourists splash, eat, and frolic around me, oblivious to the nervous breakdown walking and weeping through their midst. It’s a wide-angle, single-camera shot, forty-five minutes of anguish meeting apathy. Was I truly invisible? Perhaps. I felt invisible, even to God. I couldn’t think of a single thought to console myself or staunch the tears; this must be the true definition of “wretched”. If there’s such a thing as a lifetime of tears, I was crying them, and every thought only increased my despair and self-loathing. When I reached the intersection of two major highways, a dark compulsion took hold: to throw myself into the oncoming traffic. It felt like the only way out, the obvious conclusion to a pointless, wasted life. A life I didn’t want to live anymore.
I’d fallen through.
Even in the darkness, this much was clear: something was terribly wrong with me.
Categories: My Story: Turn, Turn, Turn
Purple Splash of Glory 
Hello Marilyn,
We’ve never met. I found your blog after someone told me of Henry’s blog, and I found Henry’s letter before I decided to leave the later incarnation of the ICOC (which is called the International Christian Church).
Much has changed, but most of the systemic faults which caused it to collapse are still there. I detested the thought of leaving—I had finally become a part of something that I truly loved, finally begun to make an impact that looked completely biblical, and finally had a community who understood what that meant. I fell into so much depression upon leaving that I could not enjoy any sort of gathering.
After I’d left, it was as though I finally understood the history of humanity in one heaping scoop—war, treason, division, patriotism, etc.—it all made sense! Everyone just wants to be a part of something. That’s it. We all need comfort, love, grace, but we pervert it with our sin and make it into something that is completely outside of God’s intention.
I have so much more to say (which means I’ve a lot more pain in my heart than I thought), but I just wanted to thank you for writing these letters because they are spreading seeds much further than you think.
LikeLike
Thanks for your thoughtful comments. I totally relate to your observation about understanding the history of humanity after leaving the church — I remember thinking the same thing! First it was the French Revolution (while we were going thru the London epic), then like so many other movements over the ages. Solomon was right: there IS nothing new under the sun! Hope you’ll keep reading and commenting.
LikeLike
Hello Henry/Marilyn thank you both for your letter and the pain and agony you endured; As a result your pain has broken many chains and healed many wounds for others. I am also a former member of the ICOC I still thank God for you Henry and for you Marilyn I can totally relate to every emotions and feeling you have documented I also exrperienced some of the same. In those dark days or moment I also contemplated taking my life, but God my sister, but God is not like man; He sees the broken hearted and the socially, spiritually,emotionally oppressed. Marilyn it was for these very moment He died.I love you guys and I am eternally greatful for the principles of the ICOC bibically that is of course. I am a solid disciple follower of Christ today, teaching, learning and sharing my life with the needy and the unsaved. It is funny after leaving the Church God has brought me to a place where I cannot believe I was capable of being. I am in my 2nd year at Tyndale University and funny that I am studying History of Christianity and your are correct nothing is new under the Sun. I would love to one day have some time with you both. Thank you both so very much, and may the Grace of God continue to fall upon you, may his favour locate you wherever you go.
God Bless
Paula
LikeLike
Paula, your letter brings tears to my eyes! Thank you for sharing part of your story, esp. the unexpected, happy new chapter you are living now. I hope your studies and your life as a disciple continue to bring hope to many and glory to God!
LikeLike
Dear Marilyn,
we’ve never met, I’m Catherine from Guadeloupe in west-indies. I don’t speak english very well. I was part of ICOC (in Paris, France, and with my husband we had been sent to implant the Martinique’s church in west-indies too). I understand what you live. But our God is so faithfull. He knoes what we need. I live a long time of loneliness and uncertainty, but now I’m more strong, I learn with other christians how to love, how to listen The Spirit of God, and a lot of other things. the more important is your love for God. trust him. We had live something so strong, we never find it nowhere. but we have other things to discover. Please, let God lead you. I love you. I will pray for you.
LikeLike
Thank you for writing, Catherine. Suffering does make us much stronger, eventually. I am in a much better place now than when I was going thru the events on my blog. God is absolutely faithful!
LikeLike
Thank you for writing” The London Letters” and “Purple Splash of Glory”. Your unabashed writing is refreshing. I am so thankful for the forthright wording of your tumultuous journey. I believe that through your writings God is comforting and opening up hearts of his wounded servants in His Kingdom so that we may face the grief buried deep in our hearts, find healing , deeper faith and courage to find new dreams for the glory of our Heavenly Father. Grace & Peace AnnMarie
LikeLike
I appreciate your comments, AnnMarie, and also pray that many will find healing, direction and encouragement through reading my story.
LikeLike
Talk about hitting bottom – so grateful you didn’t act on your impulse Marilyn. So brave to stay on the course of life. Love you dearly. Holly
LikeLike
Love you too, Holly. Thanks!!
LikeLike
I have been searching for Henry so many months maybe even years now wondering where he is how he’s doing and now I have found him and you also Marilyn we have never met but I was baptized in 1985 which means you’re my sister and Henry is my brother so we are familythe ICOC is the only church I’ve ever been to since 1985 I have come and gone from the church many times his last time I have been gone for 14 years tho recently I have spent a few months visiting the ICOC hoping that the leaders have humbledthemselves before God I have noticed changes but something tells me somethings still wrongI guess I am just the prodigal son and I know God is just waiting for me to come home but I’m not sure where home isor how to get therethank you for the article she wrote Marilyn your poetry I’ve already cried many tears just reading them and I will be praying for you and I hope you pray for me too I’m so glad that I found your website and Henry’s also god bless
LikeLike
Thanks for your heartfelt letter, Steve. I hope you do return to God soon, and not let your memories or the church stand in the way of your most important relationship. I will pray for you, thanks for your prayers for us!
LikeLike
Reading all your posts, from the Letter onwards, have been very helpful to me. I know that I have lived a lot of denial in my life, a habit I had long before the ICOC, and that this has been the source of my physical pain. Not only were there some early, childhood, unresolved traumas but there were also the traumas from the ICOC. Many of these I can recall, probably not all of them. We left the ICOC about 6 months prior to Henry’s letter. Glenn and I had personally different reasons for leaving but in reality they were the same. And we know that God wanted us to get out when we did. Several people tried to convince us to return to help out the hurting church but there was no turning back. God had chosen another path for us. Once we read Henry’s letter we totally understood as we had seen so much of what he spoke about with our own eyes. I am glad your London friend insisted on the letter being made public. It was the only way any change could have happened. It was also healing for us to read it and know that we were not stupid or prejudiced or totally blind.
But it has been a long road since for both of us. Glenn especially has found it difficult, having much depression and feeling like all his life’s work to God has been for naught. It has been almost exactly 10 years since we left. So much happened during that time. You’re articles make me wonder if I should not do some writing of my own, if for no one else than myself. This may speed up my own healing and deepen my connection with God.
Thank you for sharing so deeply and openly. It is very helpful to me. God is blessing many people through your expressive writing. Thank you.
LikeLike
Thanks, Rosi. I would love to talk more with you and Glen about our respective journeys. If it’s on your heart to write, I definitely think you should! It’s helping me in immeasurable ways to put my own thoughts and feelings on paper — or rather, on screen! Please keep in touch!
LikeLike
Feeling your pain, Marilyn. So well described. They mirror mine…the feelings I had 20 years ago when I left the ICOC…my new found friends could no longer be a part of my life. The depression…not able to put the pieces together…somehow crawling to find my anchor.
LikeLike
I would love to hear more of your story — including where you are today — if you ever want to share it. Thanks for your comments and for following my blog.
LikeLike
Thank you so much for your openness! You have a gift of writing. I just celebrated my 26th spiritual birthday and I am still faithful and VERY glad the “HKL” happened. It awoke many many people and to this day- some still mending fences!! I really am grateful- I always looked at it as a opportunity to grow… We all need that- thank you
LikeLike
Thanks, Dori, for reading and commenting. May you enjoy 26 more wonderful years (if you want to stick around Earth that long…)
LikeLike
Hi Marilyn, as I read your journey my heart hurts for the pain you have been experiencing. God put in my life many years ago…you let me live with you, you cared for my heart and trained me in so many ways that has made me a better woman for God. Know that the impact you had on my heart will never be forgotten. Thank you. I am so thankful for God leading me to the Church of Christ many years ago, God continues to mold me and help me see my need every day for HIM. I feel for those that are hurting but feel a need to share that I have had so many amazing women in my life over the years and that I am so thankful for the Church. I would love to see you face to face one of these days, love, Cheryl
LikeLike
It means so much to have you reading my story, Cheryl. I know there are many people whose experience in the church has been overwhelmingly more positive than negative, and you are one of them. I’m very thankful for many blessings (friends, esp.) that the church has given me. But there were some dark years, too, and it feels good to finally be able to share them with those who relate, are curious, and/or know me from before. it would be fantastic to see you again. Come visit BC — it’s the most beautiful place on earth! (according to the Dept. of Tourism — but it truly is up there with the top contenders).
Love and hugs!
LikeLike
Your writings have been so good for my soul. I feel like we’re having a conversation over a cup of tea. I believe that God is using your relatable writing style to bring a voice to the mental and emotional abuses that have taken place in the ICOC. You inspire hope and help us not feel so alone in these struggles. I can relate to a lot of what you have shared including menopause and depression. Thank you Sister. I’m looking forward to more. love, AnnMarie ❤
LikeLike
Thanks, AnnMarie. I do wish the conversation could be two-way — I’m sure I could learn much from you, too. Thanks for your encouragement!
LikeLike
Hi Henry and Marilyn, what a great thing to hear that you are hanging there. Am happy both of you still love love serving God. I have read through some of the responses and the more l read the more l fill emotion runing through my vain. You may not know me but l know you and Henry and l can understand why you feel the way you feel. I was baptised into the Lord by Henry at your home in GRA, lkeja Lagos Nigeria 1990. Marilyn l wish you will lookback and and remember the teachings God preach through Henry those days in Ladipupo Kuku Pent house ikeja. When man’s focus is away from the cross flesh takes over rather yhan allow God Spirit to take control. Shuold we die where we fall? Surely not! We must move on. Henry remember one of the message preached by you ” SO WHAT” Just to mention few these and many kept people like me faithful till today. Leaders are men and women and will surely make mistakes but we have the BIBLE the word of truth and remains the truth . So SO WHAT? We are baptised into the Lord Jesus not ICOC or sny other name. When you feel this way or yhe feeling comes over you remember christ and what he will ask you when we are done here. It will never be easy but he has promised yo take us through. I have so much to say but take this you can not give up many like me will always be greatful to God for have you and Henry at the time he called us into this new life. Let your joy come from your relationship with Jesus and you will find joy serving him . Love you both.
Ayorinde Aina
LikeLike
Thanks, Ayo. My joy is in the Lord, and I am in a much happier space these days, after the years of struggle I’m sharing about in the blog. Just hearing the address — GRA Ikeja — brings up so many strong memories! If you have time some day, please take a walk thru our old neighborhood and say a prayer for the Krietes as you do! Hope you are doing very well.
LikeLike
Hello To the Kreite family. I remember your days here in Indianapolis leading our church here and appreciate all you did and tried to do for us. The date of your post March 14 marks the 2nd anniversary of our son, Leland’s passing. So we have had some dark moments of our own. We unlike some of the others, are still part of the ICOC and the church here in Indianapolis. I believe everything has happened to us for a reason and we are trying keep our heads lifted skyward. I do feel your pain in what you wrote and want to express our deep love and respect for who you are, what you had to go through doing the times of the letter, and what you and Henry have always tried to do to help us. I believe God was working in the middle of it all. So thanks for all you did and keep your head up. We are praying for you, and please pray for Lois and I
LikeLike
Hello, Duane, I am so, so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I cannot imagine how painful this must be for you and Lois. Thank you for sharing with me, and I’ll be praying for both of you.
Please give big hugs to Steve and Tresanay; we always think of them very fondly.
LikeLike
Hi Henry and Marylyn. My name is Biodun Olowo-Ake and i have a son named Kunle. i introduce myself because i am not sure you remember me. I have read your experience and pray that you will be stronger and the ‘experience’ (for lack of a better word) would make you stronger in the Lord. I appreciate the part you played in my life and want to thank God for using you.
i knew that that Henry’s letter was meant for the leadership, but also the aftermath an orchestration by God to cleanse His body. I pray you continue in the faith, stronger and stronger until our Lord’s coming. Amen
Please note that your footprints in Nigeria, especially Lagos can never be erased. This is not a patronise but the truth.
God bless you.
Biodun
LikeLike
Eh, Biodun, how could we ever forget you and Kunle?? I’m so happy you found my blog! If you want to send a personal message, my email is mkriete@telus.net. Would love to hear more from you. We miss Lagos SO MUCH!!
LikeLike
Hi Marilyn, my name is Debbie Vincent and I too was part of the ICOC. I joined in 1986. I feel compelled to share with you some of my journey. My family on my mother’s side is Ojiway and my father Irish. My father was connected to the mafia and abused my mother brutally. She was a residental victim from age 8 to 16 and survived. However, her escape was into the hands of another abuser, her first husband and she fled and met my father, whom also abused her. She had me, we lived materially very well but the cost was her abuse. She feared for her life and we left in the middle of the night. We went from plenty to poverty. My mother had become an alcoholic and so I wound up taking care of her at the age of 8. I was left with strangers, abused and treated very badly, in addition to being mistreated by my mother, her brief period of prostitution and the horrible things that happened during those times I began to find solace in God.
Horrible things seemed to happen around me constantly but God always provided relief for me, when I thought I couldn’t take it anymore. There were many nights I cried alone and wondered why, as we all did, for those of us who survived such horrible things of the flesh and of the heart. I believed God taught me at a young age to trust in him, beyond the flesh of my body and the sight of my eyes, that he has a plan and a purpose for my life. Despite all of this I still believed people could be good. I believed my mother, through my example, would see that she can change and not fear life. I left home at 15.
At age 17 I hit a low and began to question God and his plan. I asked him to show me love, as I had not seen this in my life. I wanted to believe in humanity and if not, I wanted out. Also, at this time I fell into the subway tracks and split my head open, I was drunk. I was truly lost.
God at that time put a woman into my life and i became a member of the ICOC at age 19. I, like many others found much delight in many things. I married in the church in 1991 and it was not good and my pleas for help were not heard. I again decided to trust God, despite the injust things I saw and felt. I resolved to trust God and knew that he would provide a way out, if it was not good. I waited and when my faith weakened, he provided me a miracle to show me he was with me. I was resolved to trust God and not rely on man to comfort me and returned to his word and his promises to those who love him. After 19 years God did provide a way out and he provided everthing I needed to make it on my own with my two boys. I don’t hold grudges, as I learned valuable lessons. I am no different than many others. I did my work within myself to heal with therapists before and after. My mother became sober and returned to university and became a social worker and helped many women at a shelter. I share this, as I may feel that, “this is not how I envisioned my life to be” but I believe I am exactly where God wants me to be. How can I know his greatest without learning my own fralities and humanity before God. There is never wasted time of all the love we given and shared. I have few friends and yes I desire and need the companionship of a fellowship and I am searching for a place. But I know that God has a plan, not only for me but for the many others that are awaiting for God to reveal a place where we can come together and share in his grace with each other.
I continue to wait for him…even if it means another 25 years…there are many men and women of the bible that waited longer than 25 years. If I must be put in the fire to become stronger, I pray that my faith won’t weaken. My wish is that I could sit beside you and share in the wonders of Gods creation and encourage each other that God has a plan to prosper us and not to harm us.
Much love,
Debbie (d.vincentknight@gmail.com)
LikeLike
I, too, am waiting until we’re all reunited again. I figured it would be Heaven 🙂
LikeLike
Hi Marilyn, It’s been great reading your story. Reading Henry’s letter when it first came out didn’t really affect me the way it did a lot of people, because most of the things he said publicly I had either said or heard privately for years.
I was always uneasy about the overemphasis placed on leaders in the church and felt like the church really belonged to the “rank and file” members. (I *hate* that term, btw — probably the way you feel about the term “redundant.”)
I thought it was really stupid for people to leave the church because of a bad leader, since in my experience most of those bad leaders ended up leaving eventually anyways. I’ve struggled with bad feelings toward many of the leaders who left after 2003 when they got fired, as I heard those same people preach for years about how they would serve God just as wholeheartedly if they weren’t “in the ministry.” It seemed to me that they acted like the hired hands referred to in the Bible who bailed on the flock they led when things got difficult.
I have never thought about leaving this family nor had any desire to do so and was saddened to hear when you guys left because you were heroes of mine. I had brief interactions with both of you at conferences and I still remember how warm and real you both were. When I later heard Henry use the “C-word” in reference to the church it made me angry, because I felt it discounted the genuine faith of so many people I know.
However, it’s been great to get an inside look into what you went through and your feelings about everything. I would not even think about trying to give you any advice, because you have been through so much more than I have and everything you say makes perfect sense.
I pray that God will continue to use your genuine love for people to bring comfort and encouragement to others and to yourself as well. I look forward to reading the rest of your story with the assumption (only God knows) that it is far from over after this series ends.
LikeLike
I appreciate your thoughtful and honest comments, Stephen. You’re right : “rank and file” is a horrible term to describe devoted followers of Jesus, in any context. I should never use it again, in any context!
I’m glad you’ve been able to stay and find peace in your decision to do so. I know there are many great- hearted people who have made the same decision. For those who are hurting, however, and losing faith by staying, I want to propose that the other decision can be the right thing to do, too. Thanks for reading and sharing your perspective with all of us!
LikeLike
Hi Marilyn, I share your sentiments about the “other decision” in response to Stephens post, there is abundant life and healing to be found in Jesus outside of the ICOC if you look for it.
LikeLike
Hi Stephen, I don’t know how I missed responding to your insightful comments — unless I did back then, and my comment isn’t showing! Anyway, thanks for your feedback and prayers. I plan to start posing more articles soon, after a busy three month hiatus. Thanks for reading!
LikeLike
Thanks for sending me your story, Martin. You’ve been on a long, difficult journey for sure. I’ll check out the links you sent soon — but I have a LOT of messages to respond to first! Not sure if you want your letter posted on my site, but if you don’t, just let me know and I’ll take it down. Again, thanks for your open sharing!
LikeLike
Hi Marilyn and Henry
we have never met…
I believe your letters have spoken and exposed truth. I ‘m currently in Chicago, I was wondering do you know of any other church that is teaching true doctrine? where me and my family can worship God!
I m weak in my spirit. I left the ICOC before the letter came out and attended the ICC.
I see people love God yet how can the same evils be kept away if it seems and looks like
the same recipe that failed? looking for a church or advice to be healed from the attacks of the devil
and wanting to grow in my love for God.
LikeLike
Hi Marilyn, I’d like to take you up on your offer please to delete my last (long) post. I’ve been like a leaf blowing in the wind and I now find myself in a different place.
LikeLike
Done! Hope your new place is good one:)
LikeLike
Hi Marilyn, thank you, God bless.
LikeLike
Thank you for being so candid about the events in your journey, Marilyn. Very touching and helpful for those of us dealing with “baggage”. I appreciate your even-handed treatment that some do well in the ICOC, some are withered by staying there, and some find renewal of life and faith outside the ICOC.
LikeLike
Hi Marilyn,
I would like to share with you the place where I am now.
I am currently in a church that preaches grace. I came to the realisation of grace a few months ago just before I joined this new church. The realisation is that Jesus accomplished everything on the cross, and all of my faith needs to be in Jesus and what He did, and not in anything I can do.
When the new covenant is prophesied, it is written that the new covenant is “not like” the covenant given to Moses. The ICOC version of the new covenant is just like the covenant given to Moses. Thou shalt repent, thou shalt be baptised, thou shalt live the rest of your life as a disciple, thou shalt not miss church, thou shalt confess all thou sins, thou shalt make disciples, thou shalt read thy bible every day, thou shalt pray every day, etc., you know the drill, the list goes on.
If you put the ICOC version of salvation into an equation you get something like this,
SALVATION = REPENTANCE + BAPTISM + DISCIPLESHIP.
Now if you add a weighting factor to this equation you might have an equation that looks something like this,
SALVATION (100%) = REPENTANCE (33,3%) + BAPTISM (33,3%) + DISCIPLESHIP (33,3%).
Hold on a second, aren’t we missing something? Where is Jesus?
It is only when you realise that…
SALVATION (100%) = FAITH IN JESUS (100%)
…that you can even begin to recover.
Jesus accomplished EVERYTHING on the cross. Thats why He said “IT IS FINISHED”.
I’m not advocating that you shouldn’t be baptised, my personal belief on baptism is that we need to do it to receive the Holy Spirit, not to receive salvation. There is no scripture that says if you do not have the Holy Spirit you are not saved, although ICOC would interpret them to mean this.
We cannot have even the slightest iota of faith in anything we can do, all of our faith needs to be in Jesus. The helmet of salvation is knowing with absolute certainty that you are saved. The breastplate of righteousness is knowing with absolute certainty you are righteous.
Jesus made you so.
When I came to this realisation a few months ago my life was transformed. My depression disappeared, my desires changed, I am so hungry now to please God I am going to 2-3 bible study groups a week, plus church on Sunday, and I can’t get enough!
My wife called the mental hospital for them to do an assessment on me, she thought I was having a manic episode, I put invites to church in all my neighbours letterboxes, she won’t invite her friends to our house anymore because she is embarrassed I might invite them to church (my wife decided 2 years ago she wasn’t a Christian). I went to the hospital for an assessment and they said there was nothing wrong with me.
I am not sharing my faith out of my own effort, Jesus has put this desire on my heart, I am sharing my faith because I want to share my faith, if you put a gun to my head you could not stop me!
I am having the time of my life, I am growing in my faith like I have never grown before, I often feel like I am standing in the presence of God, I am so happy I could burst!
I wish every ex-ICOCer could experience what I am experiencing right now, I have been delivered!
lots of love,
Martin
Acts 16:31 “Believe in the Lord Jesus (and nothing else!) and you will be saved”
LikeLike
Great analogy!
LikeLike
Thank you, Martin, for sharing your great epiphany and how it’s changed your life! It’s true: when we begin really grasp the meaning of “grace”, the joy and freedom of being in Christ floods in.
LikeLike